Updates on router/modem and laptop( server)

It got to where if i was away from the house and either windows or my modem att fiber optics to an update i had to reset up windows firewall,defender and then redo the port forwarding in the modem/router. Too complicated to do it in the first place and not worth the effort. I could turn off up dates in windows and defender which i did not want to do but the the modem would update and I can’t turn that off.